Originally posted Sept 24 2006 on my Friendster blog.
Most people who know me will tell you I'm 'siao' (Hokkien for 'crazy'). Yes, crazy is my middle name. Well, maybe I'm not outright running-around-naked-flying-over-the-cuckoo's-nest crazy but I definitely have my 'not normal' moments.
Aged below 1 year
Mum: Eh, very quiet suddenly. Where is the baby?
Dad: Har? I dunno! 2 minutes ago she was sucking on that cushion over there.
Mum: Aiyoh, she must be doing THAT again!
Dad: Oh *toot*, quick check behind the curtain!
Mum & Dad hurry to the curtains and look behind them to find...
Toddler Siao Hui : *Squatting down, face scrunched up in intense concentration and a helluva stink coming from my nappy*
Aged 4 years
Kid Siao Hui: *Crying inconsolably*
Mum: What happened!? Why are you crying?
Kid SH: *Cries louder*
Mum: *Getting alarmed* What happened!? Tell mummy..
Kid SH: *chokes out the words between heartbroken sobs* Daddy is going to DIE!!
Mum: *Blur-kau* Huh?! Why!?!
Kid SH: Because he is going to grow taller and taller and then hit his head breaking through the ceiling......
Mum: *excuses herself to go laugh for half an hour*
Aged 6 years
Kid SH has been quietly and obediently sitting on her little red potty next to the fridge, trying very hard to convince the poo-poo to let go of her baby butt. Finally the poo gives up the fight and she gets up to look for mummy to clean her behind. She stands up, or tries to, as the potty has vaccum-sealed itself to her backside. She can't stand up straight as the contents of the potty will touch her bare bottom, neither can she pry the potty off. She half-squats and half-stands and duck-walks to the living room to find her mummy.
Kid SH: Mummy, help me!
Mum: *reading the newspaper* Finish poo-poo already?
Kid SH: Finish already, but the potty stuck to my backside...
Mum: *puts the newspaper down and looks as her daughter duck-walking towards her, with the potty dangling off her ass and understandably laughs till she cries*
Aged 10 years
Mum: *Notices the 50 cent sized bald patch right on her daughter's hairline, in the centre of her forehead* What happened!? Did you shave yourself!
Small SH: *small voice* Yes.....
Mum: Why on earth did you do such a thing!?!
Small SH: Because I wanted a centre parting in my hair...
Aged 16 years
Teenage SH: Ma, you know X? Always calls me wan?
Mum: Yes, why?
Teenage SH: He asked me to this ball this weekend, said he would pay for my ticket and all. If I go I will pay for my own ticket-lah, but should I go?
Mum: He wants to pay for you then LET HIM PAY-LAH! Aiyoh, why you sooooo stupid want to pay for your own ticket?
Teenage SH: He's not my boyfriend what! Besides, he's still in high school with no income, not nice to let him pay 50 bucks for my ticket.
Mum: Haiyo, why did I raise such a stupid daughter!? The guy is always supposed to pay for the girl! It shows that he respects you and that he is not stingy! If you pay for yourself, he will come to expect it and will be calculative. You want a guy like that har?
Teen SH: But Ma, I feel that if I happily let a guy pay my way for me then it's like I'm using him lor, especially if things don't work out. He will also expect something in return, either a relationship or *ahem* something else because I let him pay for me like he is my boyfriend! Like you always say, there's no such thing as a free lunch...
Mum: Haiya, it's always meant to be like that one! When your father was courting me, I never had to lift a finger or pay for anything! You have to make your boyfriend work for you to appreciate you! The reason there are so many divorces nowadays is because women nowadays let their men take them for granted!! Cannot!! Must let the guy pay!
Teen SH: *headache* Never mind. I dowan to go liao. If you want you can go in my place.
Aged 19 years
The ultimate proof of SH's siao-ness.
SH VOLUNTARILY applied for and got into university doing a double degree in Law and Commerce.
Enough said.
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