Dancing and sex

Originally posted on Sept 17 2006 on my Friendster blog.

By now most of you should know that I dance. Not the wriggling, dry-humping, I-am-having-an-epileptic-fit kind of spasming that is found in clubs/bars. I take classes in Salsa and Argentine Tango, Latin and Street Latin styles. And I dance because I love to dance. I love the high I get from a good hour of salsa, the deep satisfaction I derive from from tango. Dancing allows me to abandon my 'self' as I have to focus all my attention and awareness on the signals my partner is sending me in order to follow his lead. I have to read the next step in a shift of the shoulders, the slide of a thigh, a curl of the fingers or a flick of the wrist. Dancing makes me aware of my own body and how it moves and reacts to my partner's. Maybe it's no coincidence that my current man met while dancing and danced our way into 2 1/2 years and still counting.

Which brings me to this. Not so long ago, I was putting away my dance shoes after a class while some friends were making small talk about their weekends. There were sexual references made and lots of general laughter when they looked to me for comment.

Me: Well, I don't have sex so I wouldn't know.

*sudden shocked silence*

Him: No way! I don't believe that. *flashes big grin at me* You're just joking...

Her (of the notorious previous posts): Well, yeah, apparently she doesn't.

Me: *getting defensive* I don't, so what's wrong with that?

Him: *leans in and looks me in the eye* I don't believe that you can salsa with Aloy (Cuban guy with deep voice & chiseled body, instructor) then tango with Alberto (Argentinian with sexy accent, instructor) get all hot, sweaty and horny and not go home and have sex.

Me: *looks straight back* I don't. And neither does F3.

Him: *turns to F3 who has been quietly tracking the conversation in the corner* You too! Goodness, what is wrong with you hot chicks?!?

F3: Nothing!! What's wrong with that!?

Him: No, seriously, there's no way you guys can dance the way you do and not have lots of sex..

And the argument continues while they move out the door and finally I can pack up in peace.

I stewed over this for a while, examined my values and principles, reviewed the values and principles I held when I was a little younger and came up with this.

I am not FOR or AGAINST casual/premarital sex. I believe it's a personal choice and I have no right to judge. People do it or don't do it for lots of different reasons. I JUST DON'T THINK THE CONCEPT OF NO-CONSEQUESCES-SEX EXISTS. The Pill fails, condoms tear, people can get stubborn/drunk/both and the morning-after-pill can fail too. And that's just touching on pregnancy. What about STDs? Who knows what else the guys are including in their 'packages'? Ladies too! Almost all STDs have no visible symptoms in the outset so how can you tell? Even with all the precautions, having sex is a gamble and if you keep at it, your number will definitely come up. Some people choose to take the gamble, I choose not to because I have lousy luck in gambling. Someone once told me: "When you have sex with someone, you are also having sex with EVERY person your partner has ever had sex with and also every person your partner's partners have ever had sex with.

Ick.

Does dancing automatically lead to sex? Heck, then I'd better find out what places he's been frequenting and never go there for fear of being mauled. Or maybe I should just carry a big stick with me to class. I can understand why tango is nicknamed 'sex on hardwood' and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at tango but I've never felt the overwhelming need to ravish the nearest guy after a class. Hmph. Maybe it's because some people can't really differentiate between sensual vs sexual. Or maybe dance is an outlet for my 'frustration' and I don't need any more 'release' after that. Pffftt. In Anson's words: "I show you colour see see."

However, I'm also the kind to never say never. Who knows? Maybe one day, in the right setting, with the right person and in the right frame of mind, I just might-maybe-may get carried away. Until then (or until I get married, whichever is earlier), I'm happy to stay on this side of the sexperience fence and just listen to other's people's stories.

P.S. Practice safe sex, everybody...