19:00
I was out early today, running errands and shopping for little gifts to bring home. I booked my flight home earlier in the week as to surprise Mummy dearest for Mother's Day weekend. I am due to fly home tomorrow for 10 days and this is my last chance to shop for a present. It is much harder than expected to find a present for mum and I end up spending 7 hours in the mall. I get home at 6-ish in the evening and I am so drained that I decide to take a nap. I change out of my jeans and snuggle under my quilt. I am drifting in that odd zone between 'asleep' and 'awake' when I smell my paternal grandmother (Dad's mother). It was the smell of lotion and powder that she carries and even half-asleep I noted that it couldn't have been coming from me (I spent the whole day OUT and changed into my jammies without showering). My last coherent memory is of me mentally telling her
"Ah Po, wait a bit longer yeah.. I am coming home this weekend. I am on my way..."
22:40
I am woken by the shrill ringing of the house phone. It is Dad calling to tell me that my maternal grandmother (Mum's mother) is in critical condition in hospital and is not expected to last the night. He is vague about the details of her condition and I do not press him for more information. My parents will drive up to Kuantan, Pahang tomorrow to be with her. As my parents do not know I am coming home to surprise them, I tell Dad that it is too late at night now but I will make my arrangements in the morning. Dad tells me not to make the trip back as there is not much point to it. Besides, he and Mum will be there to represent the family. I tell him alright, and also to drive safely on the trip up. Immediately after, I sms my cousin who lives in Kuantan to find out more from him. We chat via sms for a while and he promises to keep me updated on grandma's condition.
I stay up all night packing and waiting.
Friday, 9 May 2008 (Melbourne - Singapore)
05:00
My handphone chimes. My cousin lets me know that my maternal grandmother passed away around midnight in Malaysian local time.
09:00
I sms my aunt in Singapore to tell her the news and to let her know that I can't spend Saturday with her as planned. By chance, she is up early and calls me back. We discuss my options and decide that there is nothing I can do immediately after I arrive tonight. She will find a way for me to get to Kuantan the day after that. I tell her that my paternal grandmother (her mother-in-law) visited me the night before and that I have a feeling she will also depart during my time at home. Dad calls later to tell me the news. I inform him that I already know from my cousin. He again says there is no need to come home.
15:50 (Melbourne)
My flight leaves Tullamarine Airport for Changi International Airport.
21:35 (Singapore)
I arrive at Changi. I am tired as I did not sleep on the flight. My aunt, accompanied by a friend, is waiting for me after baggage claim. We have coffee while we discuss how I am going to get to my maternal grandmother's funeral. My uncle and aunt will drive me across the Causeway into Malaysia early the next morning. My dad's colleague, who is driving up to attend the funeral, will pick me up and get me to Kuantan where the funeral is. My uncle and aunt will then drive to Kuala Lumpur to visit my paternal grandmother. I repack and prepare a small overnight bag with only 2 days worth of clothes to bring to Kuantan. I get to bed at around 2 am and toss and turn the rest of the night.
Saturday, 10 May 2008 (Singapore - Johor Bahru - Kuantan - Kuala Lumpur)
06:00
My aunt wakes me up. I wash up and do some last minute re-organisation of my luggage. My uncle brings back some breakfast as he was out earlier refuelling the car and we leave soon after. There is a massive queue at the Singapore Immigration Checkpoint. Checking the traffic news, we discover that the Second Link is no better than the Causeway and so we suffer through the wait.
11:00 plus
We are in Johor Bahru, Malaysia. My uncle drives me to the JB office where my gigantic suitcases are locked up in my dad's office, to be brought to my home later on. We go for lunch with my dad's colleague, who is driving me up. We collect another friend of my dad's who is also attending the funeral, bid farewell to my uncle and aunt and I am on my way to Kuantan.
16:00 plus
I am dazed from lack of sleep. The passing scenery is a green blur and the conversation of the two 'uncles' in the front is a low, soothing hum. I suddenly sit up. I look around. I had just felt something. A feeling as tangible as a word spoken in my ear or a touch upon my shoulder. And once more, I know that it is my paternal grandmother.
18:30
We arrive in Kuantan. Dad is the first person to see us arrive. I get out of the van and give him a big hug. Dad looks at me and says "I got a call earlier. Your grandmother in KL almost left us a few hours ago but she has stabilised now. We will leave for KL after this." I tell him I know. Dad looks at me more closely. I tell him that I felt her on the way here. I just know. Mum comes out and sees me; she is surprised. I give her a hug and ask her how she is. Mum mists up and waves me inside to pay my final respects to my grandmother, her mother.
I offer the joss-sticks, and go to the head of the casket to see her for the last time and to say a few words of farewell. As I apologise for arriving late and having to leave so soon, I feel an ache in my belly. My monthly affliction has arrived. I tell Mum and she asks if I touched the coffin. When I tell her I unintentionally did, she shrugs and says "Ah well, we can't do anything about that. Not that we are superstitious anyway." After that, I greet the rest of the family that has gathered. As soon as I have greeted everyone there, my parents and I leave to have a quick dinner with the rest of the relatives that were not there (as is traditional, a funeral is a vigil held over several days and it is common for relatives to take it in shifts). My parents have a shower, collect my youngest brother from my aunt's home and we swing by the funeral to say our goodbyes.
21:10
As we exit the Kuantan township, I ask where my other brother is (he is the middle of us three). Mum informed me that he was not summoned from his college as he is taking his final exams on Monday, his last exams before he departs for Birmingham in September. I ask them if he has visited our paternal grandmother recently. Dad replies that he did, a few weeks ago. I tell my parents that I strongly feel that he should visit her again, the sooner the better. Dad asks me why. I tell them that I know his exams are important, but surely he can spare an hour or two. After all, she the only grandparent we have left. It's 9pm so if he gets a cab and goes now, he can be back at college before midnight. Dad is convinced and my brother is summonned to grandma's in Setapak, KL.
Sunday, 11 May 2008, Mother's Day (Kuala Lumpur)
00:30
We arrive in Setapak, at my paternal grandmother's home. My uncle and aunt from Singapore, a cousin and my middle brother greet us. Grandma is on an IV drip and what looks like a breathing machine. She is unconcious and her breathing is fast and shallow. I get to spend some time alone with her. I hold her hand and stroke her temple while I talk.
I tell her, over and over again, that I am her grand-daughter, Siao Hui, and that I have come home to see her. I tell her that I am sorry to have made her wait so long for me and that she need not worry about me anymore. I tell her that I have finished my studies and am getting ready to come home for good. I tell her that I am engaged to a good man who cares very much about me and that we plan to marry in a few years. I tell her that my brothers are doing well in their studies and that my parents are very proud of us. I tell her I love her and that I will always remember her with love.
Mum, my auntie, cousins and I sit around the dining table and chat for a while. My mum talks about her mother's funeral while I sip coffee and make arrangements with CM to visit the KL dojo in the morning. My grandmother is so close to the edge that I feel reluctant to leave her. However, a spiritual thanksgiving service will be held and I wish to attend. Later, a cousin drives my middle brother back to college while his sister takes me and my youngest brother back to their house 2 streets away where we spend the night. I have not slept in more than 2 days and I fall into a dreamless sleep.
08:00
CM picks me up from my cousin's place. He goes into the dojo ahead of me while I have breakfast at an eatery a few doors away. I make it into dojo in time to find a good spot for the service. As the congregation quietens down in anticipation, I feel a sadness wash over me. All through the preliminary announcements, I am crying silently. The very moment the service begins, my handphone starts vibrating. It's a call from my dad. I reject the call and quickly type a sms explaining that I can't talk now and asking what the matter is. In fact, I already know. The reply comes.
"Come back. Grandma passed away."
I break down. I do not know how many people I stepped on or over to get to CM who is near the front. I am shaking and sobbing so hard I can't breathe. I manage to choke out the news to him and he calms me down. We make it through the service and he takes me back.
We get to the house. My aunt is at the door, pale, silent and sad. She nods to me and I tell her I am going to my grandmother. She says it is better that I don't, as I am currently 'unclean' and being around 2 deaths can't be good. I brush past her saying
"It doesn't matter. She's my grandmother."
Without the medical apparatus around her, grandma looks very small and very still. I sit next to her and stroke her arm. No words come. My gaze roams over her features ravaged by the cancer; the gaunt hollows of her cheeks, the deep shadows under her eyes, the startling sharpness of her cheekbones, the thin, drawn line of her lips. The tears come, and I just let them fall.
Monday, 12 May 2008
My maternal grandmother is laid to rest.
Tuesday, 13 May 2008
My paternal grandmother is laid to rest.
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